I always thought my alcohol use would be pried from my clenched fists. I had so many rock bottom moments that spurred no change at all; the dread of a deeper pit darkened my days as a new mom. 

I stopped drinking on a clear spring morning a couple months after my son rolled off the couch. I read an essay by Sarah Bessey explaining how God had convicted her to quit drinking. Through her words, He did the same to me. 

It wasn't a mean conviction, harsh and judgmental.  But an invitation. A chance to break free before my drinking broke me--and my family. 

And I took it. Seriously, I just stopped.* 

I told my husband and my close friends I wasn’t going to drink anymore. I stopped sneaking liquor from my husband’s collection while he slept. I declined wine at happy hour. I stopped worrying about timing my drinks with nursing sessions. I became the DD at friends’ bachelorette parties. 

It felt like cheating. 

They say the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, but connection. 

I gave up alcohol so I would never wake up scared about my babies and what I may or may not have done while drinking. 

I chose to stop for the freedom to savor my baby's soft skin, first words, teetering steps, and cheers for the trash truck. So I could stop lying to my husband, my friends, my family.

I quit drinking because I found a life I loved enough to protect. 

Maybe it wasn’t cheating; maybe it was a first step.

Maybe it was grace. 

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This is Part 2 of a 4-Part series chronicling my journey with alcohol. I’ll be sharing more about the deeper process of healing, reconciliation, and forgiveness in the next installment, Part 3: Right On Time. 

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*I know that many people struggle with a physical addiction to alcohol and cannot just stop. If you are struggling, I encourage you to seek help through AA, a therapist, or telling a trusted friend or family member when you are ready.